Light Up Your Business
Welcome to the Light Up Your Business podcast, where we dive deep into the strategies, stories, and insights that drive growth, change, success and innovation for small business owners.
Each episode dives into the struggles behind the scenes—from burnout and financial pressure to self-doubt and juggling personal life. Whether you’re just starting out or scaling up, this podcast offers candid conversations, practical advice, and encouragement to help you stay grounded, find balance, and keep going. Because building a business shouldn’t mean losing yourself in the process.
Light Up Your Business
Balancing Act: Navigating Special Education, Motherhood, and Personal Growth with Ashley Felt
Imagine leading a classroom of bright young minds while nurturing two energetic boys at home—sounds daunting, right? Meet Ashley Felt, a devoted mother and passionate teacher whose journey into the world of education was inspired by her own childhood experiences with an IEP. In this episode of Light Up Your Business, Ashley opens up about her role in special education, sharing her mission to empower students by helping them see beyond their current challenges. Through her heartfelt stories, we explore the delicate dance of maintaining a work-life balance in a demanding field, and how her personal life milestones, including celebrating her 11th wedding anniversary, have shaped her career transitions.
Ashley and I dive into the complex emotions surrounding self-worth and validation, particularly among women. Many of us struggle with burnout and the constant pressure to meet societal expectations, but Ashley's perspective emphasizes the strength found in seeking help and building supportive networks. We touch on how faith and internal validation can serve as anchors through life's trials. Join us as we dissect the power of embracing our unique strengths as women, the impact of self-comparison, and the cultural tendencies that challenge us to lift each other up in both personal and professional spheres.
Our conversation takes a deeper turn into personal growth, trust in relationships, and the crucial role of communication. Ashley shares candid insights on setting boundaries to preserve mental health and the importance of being present in relationships, whether they be familial or professional. She candidly discusses navigating the challenges of parenthood, the art of self-care, and the journey to rediscover personal passions. With practical tips, such as the power of morning routines and the necessity of boundary setting, this episode promises to leave listeners inspired to embrace their unique paths and foster healthier, balanced lives.
Say goodbye to overwhelm and self-doubt, and hello to confidence and success. Join the Faith Filled Coaching family today and step into the abundant future you've always envisioned.
Visit FaithFilledCoach.com to schedule your free 30-minute consultation. Let's make your business dreams a reality, together.
Welcome to the Light Up your Business podcast, the show where we dive deep into the world of small businesses. I'm your host, ammy Hershberger, and each episode will bring you inspiring stories, expert insights and practical tips to help your small business thrive. Whether you're an entrepreneur just starting out or a seasoned business owner, this podcast is your go-to source for success in the small business world. Let's get started to source for success in the small business world. Let's get started. Hello everyone, I want to welcome you back to another episode of Light Up your Business podcast.
Tammy Hershberger:Today I have a very special guest. One of my very good friends, ashley Felt, is here. How are you doing today, ashley? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm fantastic. I mean, I'm better now that you're here. I get to see your pretty face, that's fair. How are you? I'm fantastic. I mean, I'm better now that you're here. I get to see your pretty face, that's fair. So today I want to talk to everyone I always mention here. You don't always have to be necessarily an entrepreneur to be on this podcast. Ashley is amazing to me because she's a mom. She is a teacher, which we'll go into. Her husband, jeremy, is a real estate agent and he's also a teacher. They're like little hustlers and I love that, and so I always talk about the reality of how life is. Life is not always peaches and cream right.
Ashley Felt:No, it's got its ups and downs constant.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, and sometimes that, what's that saying? Take lemons and make lemonade. Well, my lemonade is really salty. Sometimes it's not so great Quite sour, exactly. So this is what we're going to talk about. We're going to dig into all this today and we'll just kind of see where this goes. So, ashley, tell my audience a little bit about yourself.
Ashley Felt:Sure. So I am a mother of two. I have a six-year-old and a three-year-old both boys Cutest boys I've ever seen. They are super fun, super busy. I have embraced the chaos of being a boy mom. Never thought I wanted to be a boy mom, but it's the best thing ever. Um, I have a husband. We just celebrated 11 years of marriage, congratulations, thank you. Amazing how quickly that flew by. And then, like you said, I'm a teacher. So on the free time that I have, I also fill it with teaching. So, um, what kind of teacher?
Tammy Hershberger:yeah, so I'm not talking only fans teacher, I'm talking like a real teacher.
Ashley Felt:That's where the money's at um I. So I did a job change, which maybe we'll talk about later. Um, but currently I am a fourth grade teacher in an enrichment program, um, so it's a hybrid. For homeschool families. They come to us twice a week for um additional teaching or support from what doesn't happen in the class or in the sorry at home, and then I also teach in middle school special education and you call that sped, right sped or special education.
Tammy Hershberger:Yes, can we talk about that real fast? And we're gonna divert from these questions as needed, but I think that has to be. You've told me some stories, but like that sounds like a really tough job.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I mean it definitely found me. Um, I relate with those kids in ways that I never thought I was one of those kids. I remember having an IEP. I remember wanting to just be so normal, wanting to just find myself blending in with those kids, and as an adult I've compensated for so many things that have come from that background that I feel like it's my way to just speak life into these kids. It's my way to say that this is not your forever. This support or these extra needs that you have doesn't define you. It actually makes you a more flexible human being. It's a matter of using your tools and figuring out a way to just excel from there and, honestly, I'm a harder worker because of it.
Ashley Felt:But it's taken years of therapy, it's taken lots of prayer and time with my husband to really accept that part of me. It was something I was very ashamed of and I didn't want to tell people that I was. You know, I was a sped kid. At one point I really struggled and now I'm like it's OK, it's part of my story and it just really truly drew me to those kids that I have and I just yeah, I don't know, I just it found me. It wasn't anything I ever wanted to do, it being I'm a special education teacher. But I mean, I feel alive when I'm with those kids and my life is truly to speak life into them and my job is just to let them walk out higher and believing in themselves than ever before.
Tammy Hershberger:I mean, that truly sounds like a higher calling from God. In my opinion, the way you described that, you can tell your passion is there and you're changing these kids lives. You're not just like here's some math, now get out right. I mean that's how I'd be, like you can't do two plus two Go see Ashley.
Ashley Felt:But well, and it's so funny because it's like and I teach middle school, which is never what I wanted, but they're amazing I started out with significant support needs, so those are students that are really impacted and they need a lot of help, and so that's really where I started with it. I was a paraprofessional in the classroom and sadly, it took me being a paraprofessional to be like oh, I can be a teacher. This is great, and so that's why I pursued teaching. But those kids were amazing and truly have the biggest slice of my heart. But I struggled with work life balance when I worked with that population. Getting pregnant with my first son is really what forced me to find the work life balance.
Tammy Hershberger:What can I ask you what that looks like? I understand work-life balance, but I'm not a mother, so that's a whole nother like holy crap. Uh, what does that look like as a mom? How do you even do it?
Ashley Felt:Um sure. So I guess, if I go backwards when I was talking about not having work-life balance, before I was a terrible wife, I was a terrible friend. I mean, am I great now?
Ashley Felt:I guess the day it depends on the day if we're honest, I can vote and say you are a great friend, but you know it's always there's more of you to give. But I poured so much into my job so when I was with the significant support needs students, they required so much of my time, my energy, my love, my whatever, that I poured everything into it. By Wednesday I struggled going to work and by Friday I was in bed by five o'clock. We weren't gonna go do anything. I was too exhausted. I wasn't, you know, contributing at home and I was quite. No, it wasn't nice to be around. My husband was so sweet about it, but the Ashley then was not the Ashley I wanted to be, but I didn't know how to just say like I can give you enough.
Tammy Hershberger:It's really I'm kind of imagining what I went through. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting, right, and probably physically, because that affects us physically so much, correct?
Ashley Felt:Yeah.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, so what? What made you change there? What, what happened that got the revelation of like this isn't working.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I had a principal. He was phenomenal Come to me and say, hey, I think you might need to go talk with somebody, and I was like, wait, what I'm doing such a good job. And he's like, exactly Like I can see how tired you are, I can see how stressed and burnout, like I think it's okay to seek a counselor. And we had that within our job, we had those resources, so I really sought the counselor and I really it was interesting enough. It was like the entire sessions that I went to it was like we identified the burnout, we identified what wasn't healthy and we identified the inability for me to walk away. So it literally became breaking up with my job. So we yeah, I mean that's what she called it and it was like every session was like talking about like what is life giving and what is taking away and how can you walk away from this job and it not be a failure Cause that's why I viewed it as as if I was going to do this until I was forever, you know, old or dead, and if I walked away, it was a failure and it was just going to go back to those childhood issues of I wasn't good enough I to go back to those childhood issues of I wasn't good enough, I had an IEP. I'm stupid, so I mean figuring out that it wasn't a failure. It's okay to pivot, it's okay to step back and say that this is not giving life. It doesn't mean I don't love what I do, it doesn't mean I don't love those populations of students, but it wasn't benefiting me as it was as a wife at the time, a friend, and I wasn't, I mean, pregnant, I was pregnant with my first and that was really when I started seeing things with other points of view, because this is now my child. Like I needed to protect my child.
Ashley Felt:It wasn't just my body, yeah, from the stress, yeah, the stress, and then just there was a lot of physical um, it wasn't intentional, but you know, at that younger age a lot of students are still working on verbal and they might not have the ability to speak. So you know, there's a lot of um tantrums that happen, that are physical outbursts that are not intended, but um, until you have the language and the ability to express what you need. It's like you gave me the purple cup. I wanted the yellow cup. You're an idiot. Now I'm mad, you know. And so it was there. I mean, that's the simplest way to put it, but, um, there was a lot of physical stuff and it was just exhausting and draining.
Tammy Hershberger:Now, in your current position, do you still have as much Cause?
Ashley Felt:you're older Um so yeah, no, so I've, I've, I've been at five separate, five different schools, so I've done a little bit of. So I was burnout, I should. I guess I should rewind and tell you.
Ashley Felt:I was burnout and so I was like I had the opportunity to change schools. So instead of walking away from the SPED altogether, as a teacher, I changed schools to try a different school, a different everything. And that was when the principal there said, hey, after a year in, like, let's look a little deeper and see what's going on. And then now I work with moderate needs students. So those are students that are just need a little extra help. So whatever subject or area is a little harder for them, it's giving them extra support and tools to be able to access the things that they need to be successful.
Tammy Hershberger:Do you find that that's less stressful than the ones you were dealing with that are more developmentally challenged? I guess that's maybe the way to say it. Yeah, I mean, I think it's more it's got.
Ashley Felt:It's just totally different. I think it's a different level of stress, but the ability to walk away is a lot easier because it's not taking as much out of me.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, can we talk more about burnout? Are you open to that or no? Sure, okay. So for you, changing the position, the school, what else did you do in your life? Because I think so many of us I mean, I went through it myself, but there's people listening that are in. I know people I'm working with in my coaching business and my bookkeeping business that they're all burned out and they're at different ages of life, different stages of business. What other tips can you say for you helped?
Ashley Felt:I think you have to first identify it, and there was so long that I didn't want to call it burnout. I didn't want to say that I was struggling because, again, I saw it as a weakness. I should have the ability to be successful. I, I, I, I. And so it's identifying it and then it's finding your support system, that it's not you having to carry it. You have a support system around you for a reason and they want to be involved in it because they see you sinking, they see that you are struggling, but until you invite them in, not only are you not receptive to it, but it's also, um, I think they don't really know how to approach it, because there was so many times I'm sure I was snippy with my husband when he was like hey, ash, like maybe you should go do this, or you look like you're tired and I'm like I'm not tired, I can do it.
Tammy Hershberger:Like which is not okay.
Ashley Felt:But so I think it's. I mean identifying the stress. You've got your support system and knowing that help is okay, whether it's friendships, professional, whatever, like it's not a weakness, it's a tool and it's like you use tools. I mean anything else and that's what my husband would always be like if you have a broken arm, you would go get like a cast on it, so like if you need, but whether it's medication or if you need counseling, like it's just helping you be successful and it's that, and like things that are internal, are hard to see.
Ashley Felt:But if you're burnt out or burning out, it's like identifying it, calling it out, finding your support system, and then I mean my faith is my foundation and everything, and so really just seeking the Lord in that and taking time to really just, I think rest and rest becomes such a thing that doesn't happen in our culture and we don't have time. We don't have time. But it's like if you can just take that time and rest and just sit in his presence, you will be filled up, you will get the direction, you will get the counsel that you need yeah, and I think it's so interesting me and you are so similar in the fact that like so I don't.
Tammy Hershberger:I was pretty young when I had to have extra help in school I've I mean it's embarrassing sitting here. I failed kindergarten. I was so not socially ready not that I was dumb, but I just wasn't. No one really worked with me as a kid and then, as I got going, I eventually got through that and I excelled. But through all that stuff like I still that's stuff I've been working with in my therapy is like you are enough. Like that's how I got my mess with the window business. I burned myself out there because I was always trying to prove myself.
Tammy Hershberger:For me it was if I prove I'm excellent in business and we're going to keep doubling, we're going to keep doing all these things that I have worth, I have value, and it's like that is the wrong place. I need to find it in the Lord first. I need to find it myself and then like reminding myself constantly that, like I, other people don't have to validate who I am, because I am this person in Christ. I am an amazing woman, I am a great wife, right, and it's so interesting how our childhoods like change that or like it's our perception in ourselves and I think I see it in women all the time. Um, that we just we don't get it that. We're amazing the way we are. God made us special the way we are.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I mean, I gosh, my brain is going in so many directions right now, but it's so nice to feel validated, even in this conversation, that you had the same verbiage going on in your head. I'm not enough, enough enough. And it seems like, culturally, like you said, women struggle with that and it's interesting that I think it's because we value things based on an academic standard that doesn't define all of us. I mean, whether we can do algebra doesn't make you a functioning adult. Whether you can do this doesn't make you a functioning adult.
Ashley Felt:But for so many times I know somebody in my own life that like struggled throughout school but he can build a house from the ground up and I look at him and I'm like you are an amazing human being, but like the verbiage that goes on in his mind of you know I've heard him say I'm stupid, I'm not good enough, or and like that person was so strong in my life to see them struggle with their self-worth, I think made it hard on me because I looked at them and I'm like you're the most amazing person, like you are so strong and so capable.
Ashley Felt:So it's just interesting. I don't know. I don't know where it comes from, but I mean, I think obviously there's influence I mean demonic influence of if we can tear down your self-worth, then you don't have your ability to be everything that you were created to be and be what you were made to do as far as to stand your ground and to accomplish that you what you've been created for. But I also think, culturally, like we, we look for our validations in all the wrong places. Absolutely like I've been married for 11 years, I have the most patient, loving, genuine husband. Even though he tells me I'm enough or he tells me these things, it's just like I don't believe it, which is not okay, because there should be validation in that relationship more than any relationship yeah, it's true.
Tammy Hershberger:And then we look at other people and we're comparing ourselves. I don't know how men are I don't hear that from men, but I'm sure it's a little bit in there. But I know women because I'm a woman like we always want to compare, like oh, how's I'm? I mean, if I compare myself to you, I'm like, okay, well, I'm failing. I don't have a family. I'm failing because you know, I'm not this amazing. I don't have no patience. So I'm like you're amazing, I get fired from sped. They'd be like get the hell out.
Tammy Hershberger:But at the same time I'm like why would I do that? I try really hard to not compare because we're so different. But I see so much beauty in you, ashley, and like how amazing you are. You're a fantastic mother and, like I for most of my life was too freaking scared to be a mom because I was like I'm gonna ruin these kids. I have no patience. I might be abusive I mean I can't imagine that I would but like, because I grew up in abusive home. Um, sorry, I don't know why this phone keeps going. I have it on airplane and everything. Somebody needs you. I get a spanking when I get home. No, anyway, um, but so if you look at that like we got to stop comparing ourselves to everybody else yeah, I'm trying to keep up with everybody else, and that, again, is the same thing.
Tammy Hershberger:Like I was, I'm in a man's world a little bit, and especially in entrepreneurship and especially in that window business. We got into some programs that were fantastic, but it was more I don't. I didn't see very many female ownerships in there, and so I'm competing with these men who are like men are different, they are built different than us. I don't do agree on that.
Tammy Hershberger:Oh, a hundred percent well, you kind of help with that, because I sometimes get myself in the weeds there. But I'm like God made men I mean we're. I'm not saying they're better than us, but God made men strong. They are emotionally built different than us. I don't think they're quite as soft as us, because I think they have to be the head, they have to lead this family and get us sometimes through the tough stuff, even though women are freaking amazing.
Ashley Felt:I'm not saying that, but Well, I think that, like women, like we're detail oriented, we're nurturing. I mean, I've been listening to Lisa Turk yes, turkist, yes, I love her. I've been listening to her Fight for the Female podcast and it has blown my mind and I just picked up her book and it's about like if we can operate in the giftings of being a woman, what we can accomplish is endless. But we are trying to take on masculinity and we are trying to live in a man's world when we were created to be in our own world. Like if we could just stay in our um giftings and in our what we were created to do, we would be able to accomplish endless things. But it's like we're almost adapting to do what we think needs to happen, which it's like so easy to like, you know, tear a man down. I mean, especially in our culture. It's like I used to be able to make a joke and it was like I could cut you down really quickly and I didn't realize it until later, stepping back and looking at those faces, like it was super funny but like that was their self-worth and that was not okay. But it was also bringing those men down to my level. So I felt like I was no longer, um, they were no longer superior. So it's like, how do we build people up, how do we build men and women up in our lives so that they are walking in the calling in life that they're supposed to be, without bringing them down?
Ashley Felt:I mean, I've I've heard a saying that something like celebrating other success isn't um failure to you. Oh yeah, absolutely. Cause it's like that comparison game. I mean, I've really stepped away from social media. I'm still on it here and there, but you know, comparing like oh, we had this great vacation, but oh, susie, over there they went to the Bahamas. And like we can't even go to McDonald's right now and afford it. Or you know, they got this brand new, this. Well, what we have isn't good enough.
Ashley Felt:So it's like that comparison game not only like steals your joy, but you never find contentment. And it's also like I have to bring you down to feel good about myself, and that's not okay either. But in comparing like, oh well, at least I'm not like her or at least I don't have this issue which is all of a sudden elevating you and your mind, but it's not, and we do it as women. All the stinking time I work, I have it more in my brain as far as my inside talk, but I try not to in relationships, but I'm sure it happens. I'm sure that you know I'm trying to. Yeah, I think it's just an insecurity that we're trying to mask, really, and in building, building or tearing you down, it's going to build me up, which it doesn't.
Tammy Hershberger:No, and yeah, I think you're right about stepping into the role of a woman because, well, you a it depends on your role model as a mom or as a woman. Right, and I for myself, I saw and this is my mom's passed away, so hopefully she's not gonna roll in her grave over this one. But but I look at it, I'm like my mom was strong, but she was insecure at the same time, right, like she just kept marrying men that would beat the crap out of her and it's so unfortunate to me and I'm like that's not good. And so, for me, I got this hard exterior of like no, I've changed my mind on this, but growing up, men were hard, they beat you up, they didn't take care, they didn't protect you. I didn't really have a dad growing up. So I even struggle with like God the father.
Tammy Hershberger:I'm like the bible says he's all these amazing things, but I don't know what that's like.
Tammy Hershberger:I've never experienced that in this world and that's all I have to go off of. So I struggle with like does he really care about me? Is he really going to protect me? And so then I go into my marriage thinking like I'm the boss here, man, like I'm going to wear the head of the home Because in my tweaked up mind which I look through these, you know, glasses that are not clean, and I'm like men are mean to you, they leave you, they don't protect you, and so then I don't always let my husband be man right Like, and I have a soft, lovely, amazing husband and he just goes with the flow a lot. But I'm like I have to remember, as I'm getting older, let him we gotta start changing the roles a little bit, because I'm too pushy and I try to be the guy but I think it's a survival mechanism that you've learned, yeah, like, even though it's not healthy, even though it's not right or the best, that is how you survived.
Ashley Felt:yeah, that's how you got yourself to the point where you made some very intentional choices to not want to repeat poverty, yeah, to want to be a business owner, to want to be successful. It was kind of made you the bad A that you are, but it's also learning to have that, um, intimacy or that softness in the relationship that you need, and it's in your marriage. I am right there with you. I have we have very similar husbands that are so patient and kind. And you know, sometimes I'm a little like too harsh or hard exterior and I don't realize it till later. It's like I'm pushing you away, but I really want you to come near.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, isn't that interesting. We have that softness inside of us because I had this conversation with my ex-business partner one time. He was like you are alpha, and men are alpha typically, and I'm alpha and he's like, in in the business partnership it was struggling because I'm trying to push the train as the alpha, yeah. And he's like, can't you ever just be a female and just let me do something? And I'm like, no, I don't know what that's like, but it's trust issues.
Ashley Felt:Yes, it is and I mean like in that business relationship it was trusting that he's gonna do what he's supposed to do. True, in my own marriage we've had this conversation a lot. It's like trusting that you are the man and that you are going to provide that you will do whatever you need to for our family to be successful. Because it's like a lack of trust. And now my husband's never done anything to break that trust. But I have huge abandonment issues.
Ashley Felt:I don't know where they came from, but I can identify like from day one I thought he was going to leave, yeah, and like he has never done anything to ever ever make me think that. But instead of like embracing him and protecting him and protecting our relationship, it was like I'm gonna push you away because I'm gonna get hurt. So the further you are are away, the less I'll be hurt, which is not true. That is so like that just hurts us more. So I mean we've grown and changed so much.
Ashley Felt:Like I said, said 11 years of marriage. Thank you Jesus, he is a patient man. I mean I have really worked on me and I mean we all have our issues, but in the last five years I've really began to identify these, having kids actually flipped the mirror on me and said what Ashley, what thought was normal and healthy, isn't anymore. Like having my kids was the most accountability I ever needed. Like having my sweet little boy who was mimicking mom and I was like, oh, I don't want you to mimic that like it really helped me begin to like think is these my characteristics and what I want my children to be?
Ashley Felt:is this the mom I want them to have? Because for so long I accepted it like this is just who I am, like I, I mean like I'm I'm sassy and like I'm strong-willed and I'm dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. But then I was also like, in doing that it wasn't edifying my husband.
Tammy Hershberger:And that doesn't build them up and then it doesn't.
Tammy Hershberger:I mean they say, like when you, you get what you put out right. So if I'm pushing you away, it's so interesting. I'm gonna go back to that for a second, because I'm like we do that all the time, like I push you away but secretly I'm wishing you could just come take care of me. And I still have that today. As the alpha. I'm like I got to be alpha in business because you get, you get pushed around, especially in a man's world. But at the end of the day I go home and sometimes I'm like I wish I didn't have to be the alpha here. I want to just let my husband handle the money and I want to let him just take care of the problems and I don't want to have to always plan the vacations and like can you just baby me once in a while? Because I think we do have that as women. We have that soft heart and that intimacy we want.
Ashley Felt:And and for me I struggle because I'm like I still have to be the tough ass all the time yeah, and I think it's communication and we've really worked on that like we're not where we need to be in our relationship. But there'll be times I'll look at him and be like I need this from you, like I'm struggling, I need this from you and instead of being pissy like you should have read my mind you should get what I'm struggling with and I've really worked on that. Communicating or like this is what I'm struggling. I'm struggling and trusting you in this, and I know it's not okay and I know it's not you, but I need to just say it out loud so that I'm not carrying that with me, that I'm not carrying that with me and he responds well to that.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I mean he'll be like well, that's not true. I mean, sometimes, you know, you know there's times that it's not always well received because it feels like an attack on him, and I've had to be like, hey, it's not you. This is my perception, this is my baggage, this is my struggle. But I want you to know and I think also, like the men being the fixers, it's hard sometimes to hear it, because then they want to jump in and fix it and it's like I don't need you to fix it, I just want to communicate as my partner, like this is what I'm thinking.
Ashley Felt:Um, so it goes. I mean, sometimes it doesn't go well, but later we'll come back and talk, talk it through. I mean, we're, you know, in it for the long haul and I appreciate that he's so grounded and, like, willing to fight for marriage, and I think we're both so stubborn we've always joked. That's why we're still married, because we're so stubborn like we got married. We're gonna stay married, we're gonna figure this out where it's like I thought marriage was gonna be easy but I think that's the reality.
Tammy Hershberger:People want the perception I have a perfect marriage. Yeah, I've never had a fight and I'm like that's complete bullcrap and that's why I appreciate women like you and me who get out here and we're like it's, this is real. Yeah, I am lovely and godly and amazing. But I also have all these struggles because I know down while everybody listening, there's something they're struggling with. We all have it and I think the more, like you said, culture, the more we're open about it and honest. Same thing with mental health get help, go out and find. You know you don't have to sit there and struggle. You don't have to. You know, have a marriage that's miserable. You can work on it and as long as you're willing to do the work, sometimes it gets better.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, and I think it's just finding those safe people in your life. Like we all have issues, we're all broken. We're not perfect. That's what makes us human. But it doesn't define you as a person. It doesn't make you less than to say like, hey, I'm struggling with anxiety, or hey, I really have these really not great thoughts in my head. Or hey, like I'm struggling with control in this, like it's okay to name it and find the solution and help, because for so long I think we felt like I mean, I thought my marriage would be over if I said some of this stuff like he's not going to want to be with somebody, like this, or this friendship is not going to work, or this business partnership is not going to work, but really it's, you're sinking, you're sinking and everybody knows that until you name it and you get the help, you're not going to be able to just stand your ground and be successful.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, the avoiding is what I think destroys things.
Ashley Felt:Absolutely.
Tammy Hershberger:Because I know, I mean, for years my marriage was really good and then we started avoiding talking about stuff and we just kind of were so mad at each other. We just kind of stopped talking about real stuff and then it just got worse, just got worse. Same thing in my business we did really good when we'd always talk about like we'd have moments and we're very different and we come together, have meetings like the hash out the problems and we'd be better. By the end the communication died and my other side would not talk to me anymore and it was like, well, now we can't, you can't move forward without communication.
Tammy Hershberger:And I think it's good to know that you can talk to the people around you and you have friends or your family or you know you want people that are safe, that are not going to go blab your business to everybody. But I think I always feel like God tells me who my friends are, like he'll show me, they're going to be around, they're going to be there for me, they'll open up. Because if you're opening up and the other people won't, well, what's that?
Ashley Felt:you know it's not, it's like a surface friendship, yeah, and I was trying to think our pastor was talking about like identifying those friends, but also like making sure that you are life-giving in that.
Ashley Felt:Like asking that friendship, like hey, like am I a chronic drainer or am I a life giver? And being willing to receive that, like calling out who are those close people in your life and making sure that you are giving life back to them. And guess what? We've been in the draining, we've all been there. So being willing to receive it and be like, okay, I'm going to really work on when I talk, that I'm being positive or that I'm not doing X, y, z. But yeah, I think communication is huge and it's. You know, I don't know my husband is so opposite of me but nonetheless, we've had to figure out what works to communicate and me just like word vomiting all over him when it's bedtime does not work, because that's good for me. I just want to drain all my thoughts on you and he's like I'm half asleep, yeah, so finding the appropriate time to communicate is huge now as far as I have to bring your boys back into it again because they're growing so fast.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, how is a mom and I'm just this is a question for me because I'm curious as a parent with your marriage and all the stuff, with mom being stressed out in life, and how do you navigate that with your kids, because you don't want them to be involved in it, but they do see stuff yeah, it's so challenging.
Ashley Felt:I mean I have messed up more times than I want to admit and, like I said, when I had kids was the most, the best accountability. I used to go through these cycles of like I would like I pour myself into my job, I would pour myself into everyone's relationship or into relationships, and then I'd eventually just burn and I'd be so exhausted my husband would scoop me up and put me in bed. I would sleep a day or day and then I'd be back back at it. But it was this like really bad cycle that I never understood and I was so tired, so upset, I was crying, like almost hyperventilating, and my sweet little one and a half year old came and put a hug, like hugged me, and I was like, oh, my goodness, this is not okay, but this was just how I was. A couple of times a year I just went through this cycle, as I called it, and so that reflection of like I don't want him to have a mom like this Do I mess up?
Ashley Felt:Absolutely. Is it hard to have disagreements with your spouse and your kids around? Absolutely, we try really hard to table it and just be in check, like hey, the kids are here, let's talk about it when they're not here. But if they've seen, like, not sides of mom, great sides of mom, I'm sure, but I think, just remembering that they are, are, are big, why they're? They're a purpose of what we're doing in our lives, and just trying to remember, trying to speak life over them, um, but I mean, there's been fears there and I've had to really squash those fears of like what you said, tammy. I'm going to mess them up, like my parents and my like when I look back. My parents did such a great job parenting me, but I still have issues and it's so scary because I don't want that to continue. Um, and so really, just, I think, speaking life but also putting the word in them.
Ashley Felt:I mean, my sweet little six-year-old understands Jesus better than some adults. He is the sweetest boy, ashley. It blows me away. We were driving by and he's like oh, people have halloween out, it's time for fall. I was like, okay, tell me more about this, buddy. He was like well, it's not okay to get halloween out because we're still getting ready for fall. Plus, mom, halloween is scary and every time we drive past the skeletons, like my boys are legitimately scared. My two three-year-old now cries and covers his eyes and says no, and we're driving and Rocky goes. Why would you even want to do Halloween? That's the devil's birthday. And I was like, oh, he's like well, yeah, it's like darkness mom. So we might as well say it's the devil's birthday.
Tammy Hershberger:And I was like whoa buddy.
Ashley Felt:Okay, that's deep. And so I think I mean honestly, honestly, my boys give me life and wisdom right back at like, right back to me, and I feel like like I don't know, I think just I feel like I didn't even answer your question, but like, doing life with kids is hard, but I think it's keeping them as our focus. I mean, we want to speak life, we want them to be amazing, functioning human beings, and so how do we do that?
Tammy Hershberger:so I want to ask you this then so, being there's the multiple facets here, so you are Ashley the woman, ashley the wife, ashley the badass teacher, and then you have Ashley the mom. How do you and I understand, nobody has all the answers to that, but what? What's the way to balance? How do you not lose yourself as mom, lose yourself as a wife and as your, your own self, and then try to take care of all that? Well, I think those are gosh.
Ashley Felt:I'm thinking we made some very intentional decisions when we had kids. My husband and I changed jobs so that we could have more time with our kids. Um, I went from the position that I had spoke of earlier. I took a maternity leave, Um, and then I ended up taking a job somewhere else and then I actually worked for you at the window business. Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, those are good times.
Ashley Felt:And then I'm at the position that I'm at now, which I truly feel like it was a God given position that has never been able to, I would have never found, and it truly gives me work-life balance where I'm only working a couple of days a week. Um, but we also took on homeschooling my kindergartner this year. Oh how is that going? It's it's been very challenging because I mean, like you said, all these different hats that we wear as women and then you take on children, that trying to find that time for me, like it depends. I mean, two weeks ago I would have told you it was the best decision ever. I'm so glad we did it. Like literally all week my kids have been screaming and crying like to the point they're bawling so much that they're choking on their spit, and I'm just like this is not fun, but they're just exhausted.
Ashley Felt:So I mean, I guess, to answer your question, I don't think I do well with those different hats.
Ashley Felt:I think there has to be some intentional time. My husband's really good about being like hey, ash, you need to go for a drive, or like, go book a massage. He's really good at calling me out when I'm getting to the point like it's not good for anybody. But I think taking time to go for a walk or go in and just read a book, shut the door. I'll just tell the boys like, hey, I don't want you to have a mom that yells, I don't want to yell. I'm at the point that you're very much frustrating me and being disobedient. Mom's going to go take a timeout, and so I'm shutting the door and they're banging on the door and I'm like mom needs five minutes. So I think, just trying to give yourself those boundaries, but you don't do it well and you have to blur all of those different jobs into one person, and so I feel like it's just like this juggling act that's on fire and you're just hoping that like it doesn't just explode.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, cause I think about, like, from the entrepreneur side. A lot of men are men, typically, but I think about like they're not home with their families, so they, so they. You know, work is stressful at work, but then it's so different because you don't leave your job when you're especially a stay-at-home mom or person, you know, watching the kids and doing school with them, and there's no like, oh, I get an hour lunch break and I'm gonna go have a coffee by myself, and then I'm gonna go have lunch by myself, and I don't know how you guys do it. I mean, I truly, I truly have no idea how you do it.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I've had some conversations with friends that are stay at home moms and that's exactly like you just identified it Like the struggle of never getting a true moment to yourself. Yet it's what you chose, or what I've chosen in the past, but you almost have resentment, like you almost get resentful for your spouse who gets to go to work and they're like what? Like you're upset that I went to work, but it's like if you want to go pee, you go pee by yourself. If you want to go get food, you go get food. Like you're making decisions that are independent to just you.
Ashley Felt:Um, and I, actually, my first year I stayed home and I wanted to be a stay home mom, and that was just with one kid at the time and I realized I needed an outlet. So teaching is an outlet for me, like I go and I teach and I feel like a different part of me comes alive. It truly just feeds me as a person, but having the ability to reserve enough for home. So I think that you know it's. It's also having that support system of calling a friend and saying like hey, like let's go for a play date, or can you take my kids for an hour so I can go do whatever. So I think it's just having that community and being very intentional. In our community I mean we have some family, we have a lot of family support here, but we've built a lot of friends that have become family.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, no, I can totally see how that would make a difference. Um, as far as can we talk? I know you don't love self-care because I understand you don't have time, but I'm curious for you as the mom and Ashley the woman, like what is self-care? Can, what is something you enjoy doing that like actually fills you back up and doesn't just deplete you more?
Ashley Felt:I wish you guys could see my face. It's something I really I've well. First of all, when I got married, I lost myself, like there's a whole story there. But I was trying to be everything I thought a perfect wife was supposed to be, and in doing that I gave up so much of what my passions were, who I was, and I think you become one when you get married. But I was trying to do what I felt like was right. And then being a mom on top of that was even harder. So we had a conversation, my husband and I, I don't't know six months back, and I'm bawling and I'm like I don't even know what I like to do anymore, and he's like well, just go do something. So I think it's really a matter of like again identifying that you don't know what you enjoy and start picking things up. The nice thing is our boys are a little older, so we went and did pickleball and that was super fun. I love pickleball, do you'll?
Tammy Hershberger:have to try. I have a whole thing. I just I went. When I went to Minnesota. My whole family was into it, so we were doing it every day, and now I've been back and I haven't done it, but I love it.
Ashley Felt:All I know is you hit the ball over the net, which I can do, so I think it's just. I don't even know. Like, with self-care, like he goes to the gym every day, sometimes twice a day. Do I think it's important? Yes, but we've gotten, I've had heated words over it. I've gotten upset because I get jealous instead of being like, yay, good for you. I'm like are you kidding? Like how do you have the time for that? And instead of like figuring it out, he's like Ashley, I just make the time. This is important to me.
Ashley Felt:So I make the the time, but I don't know how to make the time, and it's something that I struggle with in my own personality and in my relationships. Like devotions are so important sitting there reading the word of God, getting filled up do I always do it? No, but I notice when I don't. Another self-care is I always have worship music on, because that is always feeding me as a person. It's usually the only thing I listen to, because I need that life spoken over me. But as far as true self-care, I struggle with it because I don't feel like I have a time, which is not true. It's a mentality that I've chosen to think I don't have time. You make time for what's important that is the truth, ashley.
Ashley Felt:I love that you just corrected yourself and but then it's like okay, so identifying is the first, action is the second. Ashley, I love that you just corrected yourself. And but then it's like okay, so identifying is a first, action is the second, and so the action's a little lagging.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, cause I will tell you myself all. That's how I got burned out, cause I just worked nonstop. There was and I would say I don't have time. But I again was not intentional with my time. So instead of saying I'm going to go into the office a little early and take my extra 20 minutes and do more work Since I went through my burnout and all the craziness I went through, I now and I've committed it's been almost a month and a half that I've been consistently doing it and I just love it. So in the morning I take I mean I have an hour cause I have no children, so I have an hour. So but I'm like I put on my calendar so I spend time.
Tammy Hershberger:First thing, I opened the Bible. I read that because I always said I don't have time to read the Bible. That's why I was depleting so bad, because I would hear it in church, but I wouldn't like the rest of the week not doing anything. You know, I'd see scriptures or things like oh, that's nice, yeah, no-transcript, in prayer. And then I go into my journal and I, you know, do my habit tracking, because I and this stupid little stuff like drink water, I'm sucking at that. I can't do it. You don't have have time. Exactly, I like that excuse.
Tammy Hershberger:And then it's like read. I want to read a book every day, 10 minutes of reading, and sometimes you think I have to have an hour to do all this. No, you can read for five minutes, that's, you can get a lot done in five minutes If you truly just take five minutes and shut your mind off. And then I always do one page of free writing in my journal. So it could literally I mean they say, if you're like I hate this, then I hate this.
Tammy Hershberger:I the dog's barking, right that I mean if you have nothing else coming out of your head. But the more time I spend doing that, the more I feel free in my mind, because you're trapping all these thoughts in there and sometimes they need to go on paper, because I don't need to blur all this to my husband, because sometimes he really pisses me off right and instead of me tearing him down, I'm gonna let it out in my journal and then I'm good and I'm like you know what. That's good, I got that out, I'm not mad anymore or whatever, or like just getting thoughts out of like I. This is a really cool idea. I'm really excited about this and I'm not ready to tell anyone about it, but I want to get it out of my head or how you're feeling or whatever.
Tammy Hershberger:And then I start to notice stuff and I gotten the word and I call my anxiety and that's so good, I call it.
Ashley Felt:I call it a drain, a brain drain. In the classroom I'm like get whatever's in your brain and drain it on your paper.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, so you make your kids do it.
Ashley Felt:Yeah, I mean it has. It's been more of a like writing and you know, creative and whatnot but, yes, it's like literally, like it's not. Don't get stuck on, just get that pencil moving, Just whatever you're thinking, don't stop. And I think it's like amazing, because you'll look back later if it's in the devotion time. You're like oh, thank you Jesus, this is good, or wow, I really needed to get that out.
Tammy Hershberger:I actually was just talking to someone else about this, but I got into my journal and I've done this my whole life where I start one and then I have one from like 2001 that's the same book I've never finished, because I start and I forget.
Ashley Felt:But which is really good for you because you're so clean and organized.
Tammy Hershberger:I'm impressed you still have it still very pretty and I'm now slowly getting to the end of it because I'm doing it every day. But I a page open. It was 2022 and it was right, in the middle of all the disaster I was in and I read it and I was crying reading it because I was just you could tell by my writing I was so freaking depressed and I was like I don't have any more in me.
Tammy Hershberger:I don't think I can do this anymore, yeah, and like I'm reading it and I'm thinking like, oh my god, I was in such a bad place. And I'm looking today at like I'm happy again, I love what I'm doing, I'm finding my purpose. And it's a reminder of, like, when you do the work and you're honest and you, you know, get to therapy or write, just step down or spend time just getting stuff out and reading the Bible how much it changes your life. And to me that's like I was there but I'm here now and it's a reminder. God brought me through that.
Ashley Felt:That's so good.
Tammy Hershberger:So it's. It's good to have those writings just for that Cause I'm like it's amazing to see how much things change and it's a reminder as I struggle in the future like it won't always be like this.
Ashley Felt:it's just a hard time right now yeah, and I think it's just a matter of just taking action, just taking a step forward, like when you're in those moments just just believing that like there's something better, like I'm just gonna take that step forward and I don't. I don't feel like I can do it, but I'm going to just take a step that's the difference, I think, is you're willing to take the step.
Tammy Hershberger:And sometimes it's so scary and it's like there was days I was like I don't know how the hell I'm getting out of bed, but I'm going to get out and I'm just going to go face whatever today has, and some days I didn't do it so good, but I showed up and I think showing up is the action you have to do and God meets you in that action.
Ashley Felt:Well, hey, like things are really crappy right now, but I can figure it out, you know. Like just showing up, taking action, being like you know what, I don't have a lot of life in me right now, but I'm going to show up and I'm going to believe that someone's going to speak some life into me, or just getting dressed today is enough.
Tammy Hershberger:It's a win.
Ashley Felt:I mean, I felt that way. I wouldn't say it was depression, but I felt that way the last couple of days at home, Like I've been on the verge of tears at work. I've been on the verge of tears at home and it's like my kids are literally screaming at me and I'm like, okay, don't yell, Don't yell. Like I'm like literally having this conversation in my head and I called my husband. I'm like, I'm like I'm checking myself into a mental place or a hotel and he's like please don't do that.
Ashley Felt:Like you'll be okay. But it was just like that moment of like. I felt so depleted and not successful. My exact words were I'm not good at anything, I'm not successful at anything, and he's like whoa, those are some extremes. But like I literally just was like I don't even want to go to work, I don't want to, I don't want to wake up and do things with these kids, do I love my children Absolutely. But my thought was like, if it's just going to be the same thing, same as it was yesterday, I'm just going to, they're going to yell, they're going to melt, things are going to be thrown. It's not going to be a pretty day, but it's like just showing up and being present, like you.
Tammy Hershberger:Just you step forward, you, you step forward, you fail forward, you figure it out yeah, and I mean I don't know for you, but I just feel like sometimes in life we go through these experiences and it's like why do I keep having this same thought pattern or why do I keep letting these things happen?
Tammy Hershberger:And it's like I feel like God's telling you you've got to keep going through this because you haven't learned it yet, you haven't figured this out yet there's still. I mean, even through all the crap I went through, I am actually thankful for it because I'm starting to change as a person. I got into therapy to start dealing with some crap that I didn't. I just pushed away and I'm changing myself as a person and I'm like this I believe God has a purpose for this because, to what he has for me, my purpose in life is helping people. Yeah, and the more I can relate and connect and I understand what they're talking about more than just surface, the more I can start to see things differently and then find ways to help them. Does that make sense?
Ashley Felt:Absolutely. And I mean, I don't know if realness is a word, but it's like the more, the more that you are real and honest and raw with people, that realness really brings that out of others. Like I think so often, like we're afraid to just put our guard down and just be honest, but it's like when you have that vulnerability or that genuine person, that like approaches you in that it's like your like armor falls down and you're like, wow, I am so broken or I am struggling, and there's that connection and it's like you're able to just see, like this is my moment, this is my calling, this is why I went through this. Is I get to speak life or I get to like help this person? Now, helping this person isn't doing it for them and I've learned that lesson.
Tammy Hershberger:Like that is their thing, that is their thing to walk out, but it doesn't mean you can't encourage them along the way yeah, that's where I kind of went wrong on some things, because I liked I want to just like get them out of their hole and be like come on, now let's go and like I'll make it, I'll help you make it better. And I've learned in therapy I'm the rescuer and I can't do that like I gotta let them go through it because I can drag them all day. They're not ready, they're not, they're not experiencing it on their own, so they're not going to really leave the hole because that's comfortable to them they're going to run back to it as soon as they're.
Ashley Felt:I mean, I literally went through the same thing when I was in high school and it was like I tried to be that person's rescuer, like I tried to fix them because they were so broken and in doing that I took on their burdens. Yes, it almost ruined me as a person, like my ability to function and have relationships was not there, because I literally was carrying burdens of two people and trying to just help them forward. And it's like you said they're, they're, they're still in that hole, whether you drag them out or not, until they're ready to take those steps forward, you can't do it for them. You can love on them, you can pray for them, but you need to have boundaries, and that is such a strong word that we think is a naughty word. There's the book boundaries I just read it.
Tammy Hershberger:Okay, I actually have. I had kellen read it and I have my clients gonna read it and I'm sending it to my aunt because I think that's the thing I didn't. I gave too much access to myself and then I took on their burdens, like you said, and I didn't have those safe boundaries of like, okay, if you're gonna do this, then I have to put this boundary up right, because I keep thinking like if I, if I care about you enough and I love you and I protect you and I help you and I take on more of your crap, you'll get it and you're gonna be like, okay, I'm gonna get better.
Ashley Felt:It doesn't work well, and I feel like boundaries is like this naughty word and you feel like you're not at least my interpretation when I hear the word boundaries, I feel like I'm not being loving and I'm not being Christian to you if I have boundaries.
Ashley Felt:But I mean I look at we were talking earlier about just family relationships and boundaries are good there. It doesn't mean you don't love them, but it's what keeps me sane as a person and what keeps you healthy too. And, like in the book, it talks about building. I think it's building a gate. So it's like you, you put your wall around, but you have a gate and you get to decide what comes in and what comes out. And so those boundaries, it's not that you're shutting yourself out, but you're saying this is what I can allow, this is what I can offer, and it's okay. And you don't have to give all of those, all of yourself. So, going back to that burnout boundaries if you have boundaries, your burnout ability is going to go or the burnout rate is going to go down, because you know how much you can give and it's not a lack thereof if you don't give everything.
Tammy Hershberger:No.
Ashley Felt:You're almost better for not giving everything.
Tammy Hershberger:Well, that's true. You're a better wife, you're a better mom when you don't, when you're not completely burned out, because you have more patience with them, right, I'm more loving to my husband when I'm not burned out. I'm a better boss to my employees because I can really be in tune with what they're needing, how I can lead them, right. Yeah, and I think there's a saying good fences make good neighbors and that's the same thing.
Tammy Hershberger:There's got to be a little boundary there, you know, and like you said, have that gate, we can party and hang out, but, like, sometimes you're getting to be a little too much, I gotta back up. Or maybe I'm just going through something and you're, you're normal, but it's a little too much for me right now and I have to back myself out. And I liked in that book it was good boundaries and goodbyes, right by I think that's named it by lisa turkett.
Ashley Felt:I always say, oh so I read, there's an actual book called boundaries oh, that's a different one.
Tammy Hershberger:Okay, I'm sorry.
Tammy Hershberger:No no, but keep going, okay. Anyway, it's really damn good. And she's a believer and she brings in like scripture of how we don't have to as a Christian. We're not bad people If we say there's this boundary in place, we can't, we can't do this anymore. And for me sometimes in boundaries was like I cannot, I'm setting the boundary. I did it the last year and it's helped me five to five, 30. I am leaving work and at my boundaries, I will not work on weekends anymore because I don't have children. So I would work all hours of the night and on weekends. And and now I would tell John, sorry, we can't, I can't go with you, you can go on that vacation, but I can't because I have to work. And so I'm setting boundaries to protect myself of like work is not everything. You know, I'm not going to die and wish I had worked more. That's not reality. No, so true, and that's my boundary for my eight to nine.
Ashley Felt:Sorry, kellen, don't book anything for me, because I want that boundary to protect me. I need me time to build myself back up, right when it's not a bad thing, and that's what I'm hearing is those boundaries are what has allowed you to bring yourself back to life, yes, to be successful, to be able to take on the job that you are doing now with the coaching. It's the bound. Like boundaries are almost like a God given ability, but we've we've made them. Like it's terrible. Like it's terrible to have boundaries. It's terrible.
Ashley Felt:I've heard the saying like you, saying no is the first word that a child says. It's the last thing an adult says. Like the word no is so naughty, it's so dirty and it's like it's okay because it makes your yeses even stronger. Like I will be there. I always used to say maybe because I felt bad and I had someone call me out like you're not going to show up. I'm like, wow, you're right, I don't want to be there. I'm going to say no, which was really hard because I felt like I was letting you down as a person. But it's like it's okay to say I only have so much to give here and you're not showing up, like you said or not fully present, and then you're half half asking it, basically, and so you are better.
Tammy Hershberger:You're being a better friend when you say I can't do that or I can't help you with that, because if you're going to show up and halfway do it or have an attitude about it, you're not representing yourself the way you want to, and so I think boundaries are fantastic, yeah.
Ashley Felt:Like I was thinking I used to operate I mean now I'd call it fear out of so much fear, because I wanted to feel valued, I wanted to feel loved, I wanted to feel enough, like we said earlier. So I never wanted to say no if somebody needed something from me, because I didn't want them ever to feel lack of value. I never wanted them to ever think I'm not important, I'm not loved. But it's like it's okay to say I can't give that right now. It doesn't mean that I don't love you or value, and so I had to really walk away from that fear of saying no, because you know what. It's okay. Those boundaries make you more present later.
Tammy Hershberger:Absolutely, and it makes you more of an honorable person in my opinion, cause, like you said, if I say I say I'm gonna be there, I will show up right and I will be there and I'll give you everything I got. The other thing I want to ask you about is the end or so. I learned this in therapy because to me everything growing up was so black and white, there wasn't a lot of gray okay and I don't know, maybe you see it different because you're with the sped, there is a lot of gray.
Tammy Hershberger:but I'm like, uh, so for me in my business thing for, for example, I'm like, well, I am a failure because this it didn't work out for me, or whatever. And she was like no, that's not true, I am successful because I ran it for four years. We did a great job and it didn't work.
Ashley Felt:My partnership we were just too different.
Tammy Hershberger:We couldn't get it together, right? Or like I love you and I can't put up with you right now because you're pissing me off, right, like there's these things that go with it. Or like I am I love you, but I'm setting this boundary because it's encroaching on my time, that I'm trying to save for my husband or for my children or whatever. Does that make sense?
Ashley Felt:It does so then what was your question with the black and white? I guess I didn't follow that part, do you?
Tammy Hershberger:see, like have you ever kind of approached things that way? Because I think it sets you free from the butt, because she always said get your butt out of the way. Right, like for me, because for so long I was in my mind because I ended up having to leave a business that I put my life into. It's like I failed guilt because this happened. But that's not true. You can hold two truths at the same time.
Ashley Felt:Does that make sense? Yeah, it does, and I think it's taking that guilt away. I mean, it's like you're being fully present by saying no, because I need to be present here. I struggle with that because I'm like but like, maybe we can still go or what, especially with kids being invited everywhere and not ever wanting to miss out on something. But, um, yeah, I mean, I I'm just still processing that, but I think it's a really clean, clear way to approach things and say I am choosing this, I am choosing you and I'm going to give you this full amount of time and attention. I'm going to put my phone away and I'm going to be present because I don't want to be here with you. While I'm on my phone and also thinking about where else I should be, like just giving your full presence and availability when you say yes and the intention I think is really great.
Tammy Hershberger:I'm big on intention right now I'm working on doing a whole podcast about it but being intentional with your time because I think we do waste so much time even though we're busy totally, and that could be sometimes I'm so mentally checked out, I'll spend an hour on Facebook and I'm like I don't really feel any better. But I checked out and some days I just have to check out. But then I started to realize like well, instead of spending an hour on Facebook, I could spend 30 minutes and the other 30, I could take a hot bath, I could do affirmations, I could read a book that makes me happy, I can get in the Bible, like there's things you can do to be intentional and, like you said, being intentional. But I'm going to say yes, because I have the time so I can be intentional with making sure I spend quality time with you yeah, I hear taking control back is what I'm getting like.
Ashley Felt:I think it's taking control of your life back and again. Control sounds like a bad word, but it's being intentional, it's being in control of your decisions and no longer letting decisions be made for you, and I don't think you have to be gruff about that but like the simple example of zoning out on social media we've all been there, but instead of being like you know what, I'm going to put this away and I'm going to take control of this next hour and I'm going to be intentional with what is going to fill my cup up and is going to give me life.
Tammy Hershberger:As a control freak, I love. You just gave me a reason to be more controlling. This whole podcast has been great. That's awesome. No, I think that's great. Um, I don't want to keep you here forever, so do you have anything else? We, we hit the questions just in different ways, so I'm very happy with that I just feel like I'm just hanging out chatting. I don't know this is what conversations are like for me and ashley when we hang out I know rabbit Rabbit trail rabbit trail.
Ashley Felt:No, I think it's just. I mean, I really love everything we talked about and I really think we talked about building. You know, identifying what is draining you. What is, what are you struggling with in life, identifying it, saying like, finding that support system, finding that help that you need, realizing that it doesn't make you less of a human because you're struggling, because we all struggle, and then taking action. You know, taking that first step to change things.
Ashley Felt:And then we also just talked about showing up, being present. Whether you feel like showing up or not being there, choosing that I'm going to truly give myself during this time because you could have, like we were talking about cell phones. You go to a restaurant, look around, oh my gosh, majority of tables have cell phones out and it's like the most heartbreaking thing because they are not connecting. We are just just showing up and saying you know, like I'm here at the table to eat, but I'm not going to connect and have a relationship with you. And I mean I, my husband and I have had this conversation about like there's going to be all these new psychological disorders that have come out of social media I bet because there's no true connections when I think covid started it.
Tammy Hershberger:And then the phones to me because I see these little seven-year-olds with phones and I'm like what the hell do they need a phone for?
Ashley Felt:yeah, I've eaten my words with my children like we'll never give them technology and I will say, as a mom, like you, there is times that you have to have those breaks, but it's also having those boundaries and also having those limitations. But yeah, but I think it's easier. I mean we jokingly say here's the babysitter because, that's kind of what they've turned into.
Tammy Hershberger:Yeah, and do you guys ever play games with your kids Like real games, not video games.
Ashley Felt:So yes and no, we do play video games. They're still young. The kids love video games. We have a, a what do we have? A switch? Jeremy got a switch for the boys and they love that. And then we have an old um, nintendo, super nintendo that they love. But board game wise rocky, our oldest, who's six. In the last year he's been able to really start to understand board games and that's been super fun.
Tammy Hershberger:But our three-year-old we jokingly call him the wrecking ball, because it's really hard to do anything because he jumps in and he's like, and so the game is destroyed yeah, I hope, as they get older, you can do that, because even as adults as old as I am, sometimes when I go to my family and we can sit and play a board game, I'm like it's so fun because you interact with each other, you're harassing each other, you're joking around, and it's just so different than like, oh, let's. I mean, I play video games too. I have a switch. It's like a lost art though it is, and that's why I wish it would come back a little bit but I think that's just being intentional.
Ashley Felt:Again, we used to tammy and I and our some of our friends used to get together and do games and it was just such you would lose track of time, like time would fly by in the best way possible yeah, I think just getting off the phones and that's gonna help our marriages, that's gonna help with your children, friends.
Tammy Hershberger:I mean, if we went out to lunch and all I do is play my phone, I'd be like what the hell am I doing here with Ashley?
Ashley Felt:which has happened not with Tammy, but it's happened before when I'm like well, I stressed and I tried to make this work, and then you're not even present so what?
Tammy Hershberger:was the point yeah, especially when you, being a busy mom, take that time to go. Yeah, spend time with me and I ignore you.
Ashley Felt:Yeah yeah, but I think it's just. I mean, we really talked about burnout a lot today and I think it's okay to hear burnout yeah, it's okay to admit it.
Tammy Hershberger:So if you're listening and you're burned out, you know, find someone to talk to, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your family members, therapy, coaching, whatever it is you got to do to get it out, and then find ways to get it out. I mean, be creativity to me, whether I always said I'm not creative, the more I do it I mean I'm not an artist, but like the more I play with my journal and creative journaling and coloring or whatever the heck it is like, it does open up a part of your brain. That actually kind of frees me. I'm like I'm type a, I'm in a box, and the more I get out of that box I'm like I'm out of prison.
Tammy Hershberger:It's so great you're like letting it's like no longer limiting you yeah, self-limiting is huge, so okay, well, ashley, I really really appreciate you coming on. Thank you so very much. Your husband's supposed to come have a podcast and talk to me about real estate.
Ashley Felt:Oh, that'll be fun. Let's see what you get out of him.
Tammy Hershberger:And I'll get the man perspective of what's really going on. Uh, if you are listening, remember I have life coaching, I have business coaching. Um, you can find all that on my website, which is faithfilledcoachcom. Thank you for checking me out. I am on iHeart, spotify, youtube I'm kind of everywhere that you can find our podcast. So thank you for listening, like share and we will see you guys next time. Thank you very much, ashley. Bye, and remember, in the world of business, every success story begins with a passionate dream and ends with a strategic billion dollar handshake. Stay ambitious, stay innovative and keep making those deals that reshape tomorrow. Thank you all for tuning in and until next time, remember. Proverbs 3.3 says let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. That way, you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. And remember, if you like what you heard today, click the follow button so you never miss an episode.
